Press Release: Bride of Ha-Ha! Horror.

Award winning author and artist Monstermatt Patterson (The Man of a Thousand Bad Monster Jokes) is pleased to announce the release of his new book, Bride of Ha-Ha! Horror, published by Mystery & Horror LLC. Foreword by Zac Amico and Aftwerword by Justin Martell, both from Return to Nuke 'Em High Vol.1&2

The book is full (over 500 jokes) of "rancid rhymes" and "putrid puns" aimed at the horror movies we love. There are a number of cartoons that accompany the gags, too!

With each book of hilarious horror humor, Monstermatt reaches out to the horror community and enlists actors/actresses , filmmakers and authors to roast him. Poking fun at him this time, are
Julie Adams- Creature From the Black Lagoon 
John Amplas -Creepshow
Sean Whalen- People Under the Stairs
John Migliore- The Drownsman
Nathan Head - Exorcist Chronicles 2

Sephera Giron- Experiments in Fear
Chris Olen Ray- Mega Shark
Greg Petaloudis-Diabolique Magazine
Ron Mackay- Return to Nuke 'Em High Vol.1&2 Melantha Blackthorne- Death Race 2000
Mitch Markowitz- Hilarious House of Frightenstein Charles Band- Full Moon Entertainment 3

What can readers expect from the book? Classic gags like...
Why was The Invisible Man mistaken for a Scientologist?
He went CLEAR!

What is a grave digger's favorite nursery rhyme? "Little Jack MOURNER!"

Which Hellraiser Cenobite wants to compete on "Dancing With the Stars?"
"Dr. Cha-Cha-CHANNARD!"

The jokes entertain and educate those looking to further their horror movie knowledge, while using a "borscht belt" type of humor.

The book is now available for your Halloween enjoyment. It's perfect for the ghoul or horror movie buff in your life.

Bride of Ha-Ha! Horror https://www.amazon.com/dp/0996420940/ref=cm_sw_r_awd_HV3kwbNR2QXJ6 

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Guest Post by Jason Phillips - Halloween book hits for kids.

The Halloween holiday is right at the door, and parents have already started picking (or making) outfits for their little ones and decorating their homes. But there’s more to this celebration than meets the eyes, and every child should know that. This season you could surprise your kids with several cool Halloween inspired books. Here are 5 titles that will help them love this costume holiday even more.

1.     “Halloween Is…” Gail Gibbons

Gail Gibbons talks about the origins of the Halloween holiday in his book. It also ties it to Christmas and it tells the story in a very whimsical and alluring way. Beautifully decorated with pumpkins and wee ghosts, “Halloween Is…” will definitely appeal to kids with ages between 4 and 8. All children should know how the Halloween holiday began and where it has its roots. In this book, the funky illustrations will make the lecture even more pleasurable and enticing.

2.     “Scary, Scary Halloween” Eve Bunting

“Scary, Scary Halloween” is one of the most famous Halloween books ever published for children. It packs an ideal amount of scariness for the little ones, so you don’t have to worry that you’ll terrify your toddler if you read it aloud. There are gremlins, witches, werewolves, and vampires spread throughout this fascinating book; so kids will definitely be excited to know more. Readers will be instantly drawn by the plot and adventurous events, not to mention that the pictures will add to the overall experience. Get your children excited about the spooky Halloween holiday, and read this book together. Use voice inflections to make the atmosphere seem mysterious, and they will want you to read it every year on Halloween.

3.     “Tell Me a Scary Story…But Not Too Scary” Carl Reiner

This book is for older kids who want to be scared on Halloween. Carl Reiner, comedy writer and award-winning director, has managed to write a genuine spine chiller. “Tell Me a Scary Story…” offers lots of exciting events that will keep your blood pumping. No avid reader with a passion for mysteries will be able to resist this provoking tale of scary monsters. The book tells the story of Carl, a young boy lured in his basement where he’ll be greeted by fake eyeballs and creaking doors. Of course, there’s a lot more to this than meets the eye, but you’ll just have to read the book uncover all the mysteries.

4.     “Coraline” Neil Gaiman 

Before the famous Coraline movie, there was a book; a New York Times bestseller with the exact same name. The tale is absolutely incredible. Packed with mysterious events and scary places, “Coraline” centers on the story of a little girl who finds a hidden door in her home. She chooses to open it and notices a whole new world, apparently a better world. Will she be able to go back home to her loved ones? You can find that out by reading “Coraline” with your kids for this Halloween. It’s strange but interesting, dark but alluring; a must-read for this festive season.

5.     “A Tale Dark And Grimm” Adam Gidwitz

With unexpected delicacy and disarming good cheer, Gidwitz reveals several of the most unbelievable stories collected by the Grimm Brothers in the famous Hansel and Gretel book. “A Tale Dark And Grimm” is incredibly compelling; but it’s also quite scary, so read it carefully. Funny and scary at the same time, the narrative of the book will instantly appeal to the senses of your kids. Read to them before bedtime and make a statement with voice inflections. This way the story will come alive and your little ones will feel more connected to the storytelling. Spooky but not overly aggressive, this book is an ideal read for this Halloween; so make sure to check it out.

Are your kids ready for Halloween? Let this be a most memorable celebration. Make them the coolest costumes, take them trick-and-treating, and prepare them the most delicious Halloween-inspired dinner. At the end of the night, cuddle up and let the reading begin. The 5 amazing books we mentioned above are truly worth checking out. They’re all packed with mysterious events, spooky characters and fun stories that will keep your kids engaged.

By Jason Phillips and LoveReading.co.uk!

Excerpt from Libre: A Silver Ships Novel by S.H. Jucha

“Admiral on the bridge,” announced Julien, the Rêveur’s SADE.  “At ease,” Alex said as the crew braced to attention. This will take some getting used to, Alex mentally groused as he strode onto the starship’s bridge, attired in his new, four-star uniform, to join his officers and Renée de Guirnon, his House Co-Leader and lover.

Three hours ago, the Rêveur had exited a faster-than-light (FTL) jump from Bellamonde to outside of Arno’s heliosphere. Their ship was headed in system toward the planet Libre, carrying the crew’s prize, in the starboard bay, a captured silver ship. The cost of capturing the enemy fighter had been high … one pilot, Jase Willard, and two of the Rêveur’s four fighters.

Alex regarded his newly promoted officers, Senior Captain Bonnard, Captain Manet, Commander Tachenko, and Squadron Leader Reynard; all standing particularly straight and proud, while sneaking appraising glances at one another. Their new uniforms, adorned with gold rating stars, the House Alexander insignia, and the Rêveur’s patch, had gone over quite well. They have a right to be proud, Alex thought. They’ve accomplished something the Confederation hadn’t dared attempt in seven decades … the capture of a marauding silver ship.

Julien was already gathering information on the Arno system and Libre, the only habitable planet, and its satellites. Housed on the Rêveur’s bridge in a metal-alloy case that enclosed his circuitry and crystal memory, the self-aware digital entity was the technologically unifying force of a Méridien starship. FTL jumps were completed by his calculations; FTL communications were sent through his crystals. Every primary system on any Confederation starship could be remotely monitored and controlled by its SADE.

Originally, Alex had sought to return the Rêveur’s survivors to their home world, but the Confederation was in disarray. Hundreds of ships were seen fleeing Méridien to escape the encroaching swarm of silver ships. Renée’s brother, the present House de Guirnon Leader, attempted to usurp their vessel, but the Méridiens refused to heed his demand. Their response was to abandon their House and declare themselves to be Independents. Their allegiance, from the moment of their revival from seventy years in stasis, had been to their rescuer, Alex, a New Terran explorer-tug Captain.

It was Alex’s suggestion that Renée, a daughter of House de Guirnon, create her own House. Renée had embraced the idea, which is how Alex found himself Co-Leader of House Alexander, the Military Affairs Arm of the Confederation Council. Not that their House was official yet, and with the Confederation in chaos, Council approval of the House’s petition might never come.

Alex had hoped that their newly adopted disguise as Méridien militarists instead of New Terran civilians would lend them authority toward enlisting the services of the Independents and their keepers, House Bergfalk, to help them in the fight against the silver ships. The Independents, Méridien society’s outcasts, were quarantined on Libre to prevent them from infecting other Méridiens with their so-called rebellious thoughts and ways.  On the bridge, Alex nodded at Julien’s holo-vid display of Libre and its satellites. “According to Confederation records,” Alex said, “House Bergfalk maintains a single, small orbital station for transfer of the Independents to the planet’s surface. Supposedly, it constitutes Libre’s entire orbital assets.”

Instead of a single station, Alex, Renée, and the officers were looking at three orbitals. A small one, probably the planet’s original station, was a small speck floating above Libre compared to the two gigantic platforms, each supporting a massive, partially constructed, discus-shaped ship, more than two kilometers across. The immense constructions dwarfed even the long-haul freighters docked opposite the huge ships.  “It appears Confederation records aren’t up to date,” Alex said. “Julien, would you care to hazard a guess about those two enormous saucers?” 

“Yes, Admiral, I would. While their design is not in my archives, it’s my supposition that these ships are FTL-capable cities, designed for long-term habitation.”

“So, no fighting ships,” said Senior Captain Andrea Bonnard, voicing the group’s disappointment.

“No fighting ships,” Alex agreed. He had hoped that House Bergfalk, who had pushed the Confederation Council for an aggressive response to the attacks of the silver ships, might have been working with the Independents to build fighting ships. Alex’s people, the New Terrans, hadn’t possessed warships prior to his discovery of the Méridiens. And now it appeared the Confederation still hadn’t built any.

S.H. Jucha has had an extensive career as a senior manager in the technical education and software development industries, with degrees in Biology and Broadcast Communications. He has been driven by an innate interest in computers since his initial adoption of an IBM PC in 1981. Jucha’s new novel, The Silver Ships,—the product of extensive planning, researching and development—is now part of a planned five-book series with a potential spin-off in the works.

The Silver Ships is available on Amazon. The next installment in the series, Libre, releases on August 1, 2015.

Learn more about Jucha (ū•hă) at www.scottjucha.com and connect with him through Goodreads or follow his blog.